Back in the day, social networking meant meeting behind the lockers, passing notes in class and gabbing on a princess phone under the covers after midnight. Of course, back then Styx on 8-track was the ultimate cool, the Whole Earth Catalog was the Google of the times and a Macintosh with just slightly more memory than a pencil was high-tech heaven provided you did not get carpal floppy disk syndrome.

Now with social networking sites like MySpace, networking occurs with a click of the mouse, at cyber speed, anytime of the day or night. At their best, these sites provide a framework in which to communicate with friends and family and express creativity. At their worst, they expose and exploit the innocent.

Teens in our community are shocked over the recent deaths of several of their peers. In addition to receiving support from family, friends and dedicated school counselors, they have turned to MySpace as an outlet for their grief. On this open forum, they are able to ask questions, post comments about what they wish they had or had not done, say goodbye when they are ready and participate in discourse that will facilitate mending.

Together with their peers, on MySpace they can celebrate the lives of those who died in a forum that they fully understand - one that does not have the adult world flavor where tragic death is followed by recrimination, autopsies and funeral arrangements. While the forum of MySpace can also serve to inflame the drama of events, with care, the benefits of allowing teens to network, especially while emotionally vulnerable, outweigh the risks.

MySpace pages are personal and bear the unique stamp of their creator. When the creator dies, it is as though a part of that person still lives. Much like the leaving of flowers and teddy bears at memorial sites, the leaving of comments serves as a tribute to the fallen and while on the site teens are able to reinforce their memories of the friend they have lost. They are also able to commiserate with each other and the power of a virtual hug can be almost as effective as a "real life" one.

Unfortunately, the flipside of MySpace is a nasty one. A study in the Archives of Pediatric and Adolescent Medicine indicates that 54 percent of the profiles contained information on risky behaviors, with 24 percent referencing sexual behaviors, 41 percent referring to substance abuse and 14 percent posting violent information. Networking sites are not to blame for this behavior - they simply provide a place to express it. This should be a no-brainer for parents; if your kid is posting this crap, you should be aware of it and find out why.

Clearly, without oversight, the narcissistic nature of teens can lead to the exposure of too much personal information, acts of cruelty and exaggeration. Therefore, it is essential to enforce the same codes of conduct that apply in the "real world" to the "cyber world." Parents who deny their teen's access to MySpace are simply avoiding the effort it requires to be involved and vigilant. Social networking is here to stay. Most teens will find a way onto the space anyway, and if parents stick their heads in the sand, this can result in dire consequences.

MySpace is a positive place for teens to "be" and an invaluable tool for parents. The space provides a neat snapshot of emotional status, peer groups and personal preferences. It is likely that signs of trouble in a teen's life will show up first on a social network where they feel comfortable, and this can give parents, and friends, a heads-up if they are paying attention.

Teens on MySpace actively share their thoughts, their emotions, their creativity and their humor. They also examine, define and refine their own identities, sometimes on a daily basis. Through the Web site, they learn communication and technical skills and apply critical and artistic thinking, and these skills will serve them well in the future. They may also become more tolerant of others with different views as they build up their "friends" lists.

Sadly, during this time they are also grieving for the jarring loss of their friends who somehow, slipped through the cracks, made poor choices and paid the ultimate price. Perhaps, by using all of the tools at our disposal, we as a community, both in "real life" and on MySpace, can become more vigilant as friends, parents and leaders so that we can catch those kids who are straddling the fence between despair and choosing life before they fall.